Coach's CornerJuly 2017
I am blessed beyond words that I have a loving relationship with all four of my daughters. Honestly, I know that is a gift that only an amazing God has given me. If I had followed the patterns of how I was raised, the relationships would have been different, and I would have many regrets. But, instead of allowing me to accept regrets, God led me to South America as a missionary and, there, He worked on my life – probably more than on those around me that I went to help. During that time, I learned the value of forgiveness and disposed of many built up grudges that I had nurtured. I also got to observe parenting as done by missionaries. I’m so thankful for the opportunity of many observations. But best of all, I was given the gift to seek God – and in His faithfulness, He answered. And that, my dear friends, is why I feel I should share and not keep His tips on parenting to myself. So read them and apply the ones that you feel led to apply, but remember, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. You and I are different and our children are not the same, so we parent differently as well.
Over the years, I have heard many messages or commentaries on the scripture: Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. I’ve heard the break down on this verse in so many ways. But one that really struck me and seemed so great, yet difficult at the same time, was that it means we are to raise each child in his own special way that the individual child is supposed to be raised. Then, I’d look at my brand new tiny baby and think, “How can I have even the foggiest idea on how to raise this tiny little precious child? What specific individual ways did God have planned and designed for this precious infant that He created?”
Have you ever wondered that as you are trying to find ways to raise your child? Do you look at that wrinkly, tiny baby who is squawking at you because she is hungry or looking angelic all curled up with her tiny little curled bottom up in the air? I guess some parents know automatically that their athletic or musical genes have been passed down, so it is their second nature to raise them in those same patterns that they were raised. Thus we see Olympic athletes training and succeeding when they are very young. Size is passed down and physical strength and even determination. But what about my case? I don’t think marksmanship genes are inherited, and I did not see “sniper” in their futures. Haha
One thing I was convinced of, was that God gave me each of my four daughters and that they belonged to Him and that I was to train them in the way He wanted. And...that He would hold me accountable if I mishandled them. I felt very strongly that as the Pharaoh’s daughter told Moses’ real mother to take the child and raise him, and she would give her a just reward, so had God said the same to me. One thing I love about God is that He gives us a job, and then He provides us with everything we need to do that job successfully. And then, He is so generous that He rewards us for doing it.
Another thing I was convinced of and found comfort in, was that children learn slowly. That gave me time to correct my mistakes in parenting as I went. God is a God of forgiveness and redemption and much help with no condemnation. I should probably plaster this paragraph all over my website because I needed so much forgiveness and do-overs. Please be encouraged that if you are seeking Him in your parenting and other areas of your life, He is pleased. It is the seeking that causes Him delight and causes Him to answer. It is not in ‘knowing’ the right things to do, it’s more in ‘not knowing’ and realizing that, which causes our Father to answer.
I love God’s surprises and creativity. He sometimes does not take the obvious path nor want us to either. One of our daughters had eye troubles even as a baby. We did hours of vision therapy and surgery and more therapy. Eventually, she had to deal with dyslexia so who would think that she was the perfect candidate to be an artist – yet she is. And with the dyslexia that affected her speed in school and could have touched her self-esteem, who would guess that she would be called into a field that required a Master’s degree and that she would touch many lives that needed to find self-esteem.
Also, it’s in our repentance that we find forgiveness. We want to raise polite, well-behaved, successful children. But as adults, we’ve learned that we will never be free from sin – we will only reach perfection in Heaven. So maybe one of our goals in parenting should be to train our children to accept that they are not perfect and train them to know how to repent. What a gift that is! How many people, when approached with the opportunity to ask Jesus to be their Savior, have said things like: I’m not a bad person; or What have I done that makes you think I’m not a Christian? Wouldn’t it be easier to know we are not perfect and thus have need of a Savior? Yes! But also, that is the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. He doesn’t need our help, but I definitely want to raise His kids consistent with His Truth so that they don’t have to struggle more than necessary to receive Him and His love.
Thankfully, when babies are tiny, our main job is to feed, change diapers, hold, and show our babies that their needs will be met with love. That gave me plenty of time to pray and also to notice natural traits and tendencies in each child. For example: one was entertained by toys and objects, another was very hard to distract and was cuddly and drawn to people, another sang everywhere she went, and one did all of the above. That helped me a little with determining what direction each child might go, but also, I just dove in and started with piano and swimming lessons for each of them. School was necessary so I didn’t have to decide anything there except for curriculum since I homeschooled for a while. Sports were a good hobby and great for physical development and stress-release. Over time, each one began to show what they were best geared towards and what they seemed to enjoy most. By the time they were in high school and college, they were then praying about their own choices with our advice and prayer support.
Now, they are each strong, independent women who know they have their parents in their corner and a God who is big enough for each and every challenge. All of this because of God’s goodness and mercy. He caused me to seek Him for my many imperfections and needs so that He could answer and be pleased. In these newsletters and the book that is in progress, I hope you find encouragement and His tips on how to raise your children for the King.
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