Raising Daughters Of The King

For the Mama who seems to have things come up that keep their ideal parenting from happening (like me).

C-sections: I had 4. The first one felt like I failed. My goal had been natural childbirth and no anesthesia. Natural birth may be the best method (when it works for someone), but the goal is still a healthy mama and a healthy baby. No guilt in following your doctor’s advice.

Breast feeding is an excellent (and cheapest) form of nourishing a baby, but it is not failure if you choose a healthy alternative per your doctor’s advice. I loved the advice available on breastfeeding and chose that method. But I had to supplement at one point with a bottle due to health. It was not a failure.

If you use a bottle, one way we were able to reduce the child’s attachment, was to trade out water in the bottle and milk in the Sippy cup. To reduce attachment to a pacifier or even a thumb-sucking, we put the bad tasting item on the thumb or pacifier. We explained why, etc.

If you have a favorite blanket or comfort toy, we recommend having 2 so you don’t have to make an "emergency" trip at inconvenient times to your last location to retrieve the item that they cannot sleep without.

If you have your hands full or several children that are little, park next to a shopping cart and load the kids straight from the car to the shopping cart.

To prevent begging and melt downs in the store: As we went into the store, I immediately picked up a treat (like a bag of Oreos) and put it in the cart. I told them they could have the treat if they didn’t ask for anything or touch anything or beg or cry, etc. If they did act out, the bag was very deliberately removed from the cart. If reinforcement was needed later, we would walk past treats and I would stress that they could have had such and such but not this time. (Not meant for a guilt trip, but helpful if the child thought there were not more consequences to the bad behavior.)

Another help at any store, was that I reminded my children, especially the tactile learners that we were going to look with our eyes and not with our hands. Reminding before going into a store makes it preparation for fun with expected behavior rather than just correction for wrong behavior. It made for a much more pleasant trip than only correcting after bad behavior occurred.

One drama for little girls seems to be the moment when it is time to leave a friend’s house to go home. We began working on a similar strategy as we used in the grocery store. I made it clear to them that when it was time to leave they were to help clean up and then no fit was allowed.

If they pitched a fit, then they would not be allowed to visit that friend again that week. Sometimes I had to create the opportunity by asking if the girls wanted to see their friend and then telling them that they could not because of the unpleasant way they left the last time. Created consequences — but not guilt.

Spunky little kids are so cute. They have adorable little personalities. However, we found that if that spunky little person doesn’t learn some discipline, she will think she is in control of her life, her family, etc. Sometimes the parent as well as the child are looking at a future of heartache, especially during teenage years, if this heart attitude is not corrected. I personally think that it is indicative of a leadership personality to have their own opinions and exhibit stubbornness, however, untrained and un submissive stubbornness is what got the Children of Israel into much trouble with God. It is HUGE that the kids be able to know their minds and their wills, but they much also know how to yield that will to parents. Later that will serve them well in their walk with God. Saying "no" to mom or dad is not really cute. It should be treated firmly so as not to raise a child that thinks rebellion is "cute." In some cases, it can be dangerous to raise a child that is head strong and not obedient. This has to be trained into the child so that later it will not be so hard to yield to God.

When our oldest little girl was very young, we were told, by a wise and loving friend, "Disobedience is never cute!"

For big girls, start when they are young. They have such precious little bodies that are adorable but by training from the beginning to cover private parts of their bodies sets a great foundation for later. (Sometimes I wished I felt like I could put them in bikinis when they were so tiny, but I just chose to trust that for my girls it was best not to.)

For middle kids: We talked a lot about what impression kids give through clothing. When you look at that girl, do you think "Christian? Polite? Modest? Not?" We made sure not to judge them for their clothing but to learn about the image we give to others by our dress.

For teens: We did a daddy daughter date on their 16th birthday with formal, up-do, corsage, dad in suit, nice restaurant, and the gift of a purity promise ring. Such a highlight in their lives!

We did not feel it was a sin to be pretty. We tried to stress character first but we also complimented our kids. This world constantly tears down children so we wanted to build them up even in their looks.

Remember what you say about your kids can make a huge difference in what they feel they must live up to. Many years ago, we read about the self-fulfilling prophecy about our kids. If you say they are trouble, grouchy, stubborn, bossy, etc. often times they just believe it and feel the need to live-up to it. Try to only talk about their good character traits to others and in front of them. Help them learn to speak only kind things to themselves (in their thoughts) and to their siblings and others.

Training them to say thank you helps them be thankful. Thankfulness is actually a stress reducer in adults and you can help your children grow up with that instilled in their lives.

Train them not to lie. Even in apologies, it should be true or not spoken. They may need a while of time-out to get over the situation so they can either say they are sorry or forgive.

We wanted to be the source of knowledge for our kids about personal things so we worked to be approachable. We also wanted them to come to us if they had done something wrong so I tried to give them ways to keep me from over reacting. We had code words for me and for siblings that meant: this may be hard for you to hear, this is hard for me to tell you, or you are getting close to being on my last nerve.

"Catch your children being good" and compliment them. Pray that God helps them get caught when they do wrong so they don&aops;t feel that they can sin and no one knows. That is a dangerous place for them. Try to never spank when you are mad. Don’t overdo the punishment. A wooden spoon for spanking helps it not be your hand-of-love doing the spanking.

Help your children know that they should not compare themselves, quite a challenge with 4 girls.

We cooked one meal and they had no other option. In fact, they had to taste all foods served. We encouraged them to taste the spinach (eat their least favorite food first) and then eat the rest. This served as a perfect example for chores and life later on. We said it so many times that it was part of their life. Doing the worst thing first cuts back on procrastination as well as increases efficiency in homework, chores, etc. In those areas it increases happiness because you do not have a dark cloud poised over your head in the activity you are avoiding. It is gone quickly because you do it first.

We also taught our kids stewardship — that even matters in throwing away food. Most of the time, I served their plates so we could make the meal last and everyone get what they needed. (Sometimes selfishness shows up a lot in the way a child serves their plate. Self-indulgence is not something we wanted to encourage. That also helps keep them in the healthy weight for their age.) Since we also trained them that God provides, we thanked Him before the meals and chose to not to say things like "ewwww" about foods. (It seemed a little unthankful for what God had provided. Besides, causing others to become self-conscious about their plate.) At times, it feels like constant attitude training.

Be sure you inspect their chores so they know they will get praised if it is g ood and have to re-do it if not.

Teach tithing and saving! And not using credit cards. Self–control is such a huge trait to have — teach it in money, emotions, actions, etc.

Timers work great for many things: reminders to pick up or take children places, almost time to get ready for bed or wash hands for dinner, or stop playing and do homework, etc.

Whining must be nipped in the bud. "Use your big girl voice", is what we said mostly. Does whining happen? Yes, but making children aware of it helps them make the choice in their adult life as to whether they wish to be whiney or not. (Honestly, we just did not enjoy being around whiney children and I am so grateful we didn’t have 4 daughters whining at us at the same time. We actually enjoyed our children and are so grateful that we did.)

Arguing with mom or dad should never be allowed (even if they are cute). If the parent says it, the kids should obey. Having them say "Yes, mommy." Helps them obey. When they said "no" to us, it almost always insured a spanking and still they had to obey.