Mending A Broken Relationship With Your DaughterJuly 2014
Often times, I am asked about broken or strained relationships between mothers and their daughters. (If there is a truly dysfunctional situation, I urge you to immediately seek a godly counselor who can help you find the cause and work through issues that otherwise will destroy a relationship.
If you feel the precious young lady that you are raising is struggling with wounds and brokenness that is damaging their emotional development, I urge you to find the godly counselor that God has already prepared to help this precious daughter of His.
If you live a fairly “normal” life, then I am inclined to think that you have or will experience strained relationships between loving mothers and loving daughters at some time or occasions. Plenty of authors have written about it, as if it must be a part of growing up.
Just like the terrible two’s are a necessary time for most little ones so that they can begin to develop their unique personality with their own likes and opinions. As a girl grows into an independent young lady, once more, there is the need for development of her own opinions in life, and the nest must become a little uncomfortable.
So how do we, as moms, allow the child to become a strong, independent woman without jeopardizing our own identity as “mommy” and, at the same time, keep a healthy, unbroken relationship with that precious daughter? How do we mend a relationship that has already become strained? Maybe the question really is: Is it even possible to repair a damaged relationship?
At times, I’m sure there are many tears from both mom and daughter as they each long for a loving relationship. But the good news is found in (Mark 9:23) “…If you can believe, all things are possible…”. I believe the key is still: control of the Holy Spirit.
I am not saying that if you find relationships strained that you have failed to walk with God and deserve judgment. But I do believe, however, that these difficulties are allowed in our lives so that we can come to know a new side, a deeper life of prayer, and communion with our God. After all, He knows the pain of a parent when this fellowship is broken as time and time again His people walked away from Him. He offers the solution to the seeker.
So though there is not enough space in a short newsletter to work through possible scenarios here, may I take this moment to say that God is big enough for even this kind of problem? Begin with prayer, or perhaps I should say, “Continue in prayer,” and listen to the Holy Spirit as He guides you into His truths about your personal situation. Realize that the relationship is worth fighting for as you seek ways to give and take with your daughter.
Seek Godly counsel. And, be willing to pay the price for something that is as valuable as an exquisite pearl — lasting friendship with your daughter.
More to come on this topic in the future, including answers to specific questions you've asked.