Coach's CornerMay 2013
Our words hold the power of life and death. Like bricks, we can use them to lay foundations and build great things, or we can throw them angrily and recklessly and break fragile crystal and intricate designs. In James we are told that controlling our tongue is a lifelong lesson and harder than most areas of our lives. So, we must face the fact that we are not perfect and that we will fail — a lot! But for every defeat, you will experience many victories… if you get back up and keep trying. Do NOT give up! Do NOT expect to be perfect! If you are by nature a quiet person, THANK GOD for that gift. Many times I have been frustrated with myself for not being able to say the things I wanted to at crucial moments… but how many apologies I have avoided by being naturally “slow to speak and quick to hear.” (James 1:19) If you are one that is gifted with the ability to think on your feet and respond quickly, THANK GOD for that gift as well — and yes, you will have to work hard to speak with wisdom, BUT, oh how sweet to be used by God with your tongue. The gift of words is another area where God can show us our need for Him and then fill that area with His Sweet Presence. Truly, it is a gift anytime that He shows us that we need Him.
I think we are wise to follow the Psalmist’ example (Psalm 141:8) and plead that God would “put a guard on our lips”. The Bible is full of instruction on our words and tongue. We could learn so much about not allowing corrupt things to come out of our mouths and how both sweet and bitter should not proceed from the same mouth, and countless more valuable instructions. If we keep in the forefront of our thoughts and heart that these children actually are not ours but rather belong to our Heavenly Father, it helps us be more deliberate in our words and actions. When He says that He holds His children as the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8), it makes me think twice before saying an intentional harsh or hurtful word. I wish I could say I never did; but honestly here, bad moods and frustrations do take over — it helped me to think twice though — I didn’t want to make their Father mad!
I think a help with this is to try to pick one area in which you wish to train yourself and work on that until it feels like a habit. I tried to tell the exact truth in all areas. I know that people differ on their sense of humor and on their views of exaggeration. In college, I was a fan of Ann Kiemel — who wrote about truth in all areas. I chose to follow that as much as possible. I didn’t even let the girls tell lies in order to bring about a surprise. Integrity in all areas. Oh, we had lots of laughs and love a good story and surprises. We just chose to challenge ourselves by pulling those off without telling a lie. I think it helped so much to bring home the point that God never, ever tells a lie — in fact, that it is impossible for God to lie (Titus 1:2). Oh, He has a great sense of humor and He writes an amazing story, but He pulls it off without ever telling a lie.
A wonderful by-product of this was that whenever the girls were feeling a bit self-conscious over a hair cut or clothing item or just life in general, they could ask me, and then trust me to tell them the truth. I said it gently, if I did not think they would like the answer. But, I made myself tell them the truth. How many times we look for a true friend who will tell us if we should go back home and change our clothes or get the spinach off our tooth or if our backside looks big in these clothes. Or, on those soul searching days… where we’re wrong in our attitude or behavior. Yes, I have chosen to speak gently the truth in love — but I called a lie a lie no matter how “white” it might be, I called pride pride, gossip gossip, bullying bullying, especially if it was my daughter testing that area to see if it felt like a trait she wanted to make into a habit. I wanted my kids to be able to ask me anything and know that I would give them a straight answer. Sometimes my flesh crawled at the words: “Mom can I talk to you,” but I made myself strong and answered how I felt God would have me answer. Crazy how this one area — words (wisdom, discretion, truth, keeping your word, etc.) can keep you on your knees!